A man spends Rs 370 on biryani for a woman. Afterward, when the lady asks him to take her home, he quips that he still needs to “recover” his money from her. The crowd roars with laughter. Indian stand-up comedian Pranit More calls it “peak Gurgaon content”. On the surface, it looks just like another ordinary dating joke. But upon deeper reflection, one can’t help but ask themselves this question: what is it that is making people laugh here?
What isn’t funny about this joke is the suggestion that since the man paid for something, he deserves something back from her. It’s not asking for a share of the payment or fuel cost, but something much darker than that.
The Transactional View of Dating
The notion that dates should be viewed as a business transaction has been preached to women for generations. If a man buys his date dinner, or drinks and/or presents her with gifts, he expects sex in return because he thinks he owes her something as payment for services rendered. The problem arises from an underlying sense of male entitlement – taking a woman out, buying her food and driving her places or even saying compliments are viewed as “investments” rather than efforts to connect with the individual. In turn, the idea of getting a “return” is expected, and such returns are usually sexual in nature.
Why the Joke Matters
In addition to the debate regarding whether or not the video is funny, the deeper issue here is the mentality behind the humor itself. More’s act begins with a story where a man freely talks about his intention to sleep with a woman. Instead of confronting the notion that paying for something means that it needs to be returned, this story is turned into a humorous one.
The argument from those who oppose this sort of comedy is that this kind of humor fosters the dangerous idea that a woman’s permission can actually be bought or earned in some way.
The Connection to Rape-Culture Thinking
A joke made at the expense of biryani is not rape, but the concern is that the mindset behind it is part of a culture that is quick to confuse consent with remuneration.
A rape culture is often perpetuated not only by acts of violence, but also by attitudes and behavior. This may include: Making sexual harassment into something humorous, Putting the blame of abuse on the victim themselves, Expecting that sex should be owed in return for financial generosity towards a woman, Minimizing unacceptable behavior with excuses like “boys will be boys,” or “men will be men.”
The Role of Comedy and Audience Reactions
The issue goes beyond just the joke to include the response that it garnered. It seems that what is perhaps even more worrying is that people laughed at the joke because of their familiarity with its premise. The laughter indicates how much of an assumption it is to view dating from a transactional standpoint in popular society. There are those who would suggest that comedians have an option here. They can mock the stereotype or use it. Perhaps in this situation, the joke could have done so.
Patriarchy in Everyday Life
Entitlement and consent issues do not capture as many headlines as economic disasters, political elections or foreign disputes. But these are precisely the kinds of views that determine the lived reality of women.
This is seen in how women juggle work responsibilities against their roles as wives; in how girls are viewed at school; and how young women interact in public. The impact is sometimes not obvious or immediate, but it accumulates over thousands of actions and attitudes. Patriarchy does not depend solely on the occurrence of big events. It persists through reinforcement.
When Harmful Ideas Are Wrapped in Humour
The issue highlighted by the critics is not whether jokes on sensitive issues can be made but how one recognizes that these normalizing ideas are being introduced through humor. When there is a joke that suggests men feel Rs. 370 will give them a claim to having sex, it is making the very idea seem valid for discussion, even funny, when this may not be the case.
This is precisely why some critics raise issues against this sort of humor, because the most dangerous ideas are not the ones that present themselves to people. They are the ones hidden within jokes, presented under the guise of relatable content and then told as a joke until people find themselves unable to laugh.
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