Ditch the labels: Not ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ but human energy

I was watching a video on ‘feminine energy’ in which the presenter said something that made me pause and replay as I wanted to be sure I had heard right. The presenter said women should tone down their ‘masculine energy’ in the way they walk. And that women who are stuck in masculine energy struggle to slow down and also struggle to spend time doing things that are not productive and are just for pleasure.

I couldn’t believe this horse rubbish being spouted in this day and age. But it turns out that there are a million people who do believe it. New age self-help pundits are repackaging gender stereotypes, wrapping them in soft lighting and soothing music, and selling them in a series of lucrative self-discovery videos and tutorials.

Labels such as masculine energy and feminine energy are peddling the same tired scripts. Women should be soft, receptive and slow (‘don’t rush to open the door for yourself. If you find yourself closer to the door than the man, slow down , so he can open it for you’. I am not kidding. The video does say this. Really!). Men should be strong, decisive, and act fast (hopefully to open doors for the women).

They tell women that their natural drive, their ability to focus and achieve, their confident stride make them less feminine. That they need to free themselves from the ‘wrong’ energy. By extension, it implies that a man who does not dash about looking purposeful and exuding authority is trapped by his feminine energy.

Honestly, these expectations and boundaries limit everyone. Why can’t all genders be whatever they want to be? What’s wrong with women rejoicing in their fitness and enjoying a brisk walk, and men enjoying walking at a relaxed pace if they want to?

Here’s the truth and one that should set us all free: we’re all human beings with access to the full range of human capacities. Sometimes we need to be decisive. Sometimes we need to be receptive. Sometimes we need to push forward. Sometimes we need to rest. Sometimes we need to speak up. Sometimes we need to listen deeply. None of these qualities belong to any one gender. We have to use them as situations demand.

If you want to improve yourself, the focus isn’t about gender-specific energy. It’s about becoming whole. To examine the contradictions and complexities of your being. It’s about reflecting on what aspects of life you want to fix. How you respond to what life asks of you at a certain point. ‘Is this masculine or feminine?” is not the question you should be asking.

In the quest for self improvement, the average person wants to believe the charismatic person who sounds so profound. They look confident and they want to help us. And we want to believe that yes, by swaying our hips in a more feminine way, we’ll attract more (read male) attention and that’s the essence of femininity.

What I find bothersome is the way that these are thrown in with some other things that are actually true - say for example, taking time to savour simple joys or winding down the day by reading a book. Tossed in together, they add legitimacy to the fallacious ‘tips’ or ‘micro habits’ as they are termed.

The question is why do we swallow them without question. A person walking is doing it the way it comes naturally to them - there’s nothing feminine or masculine. It’s a way of getting from point A to point B. Forget swaying your hips.

A habit worth cultivating is a brisk walk, enjoying a nature bath if you can access a park and enjoying birdsong. If you can’t, enjoy music or a podcast on your headphones as you skirt traffic. Or the pleasure of your own thoughts. A quick walk always helps me think through things and find clarity.

Just as a man who likes to slow down is not tapping into feminine energy, a woman can thrive at the thrill of ambition and achievement without being trapped in masculine energy. Attaching labels to qualities as masculine or feminine create artificial problems that require expensive solutions. And hey presto, the same self help gurus are there to help with workshops and courses.

So let’s ditch these arbitrary standards. And let’s ask ourselves: What do I need right now? What does this situation call for? What feels authentic to me? Let’s tap into our human energy. Into the full spectrum of what we’re capable of – strength and softness, action and rest, speaking and listening, achieving and being. We need to embrace wholeness. Not polarise.

I do believe there is a divine feminine energy, ‘shakti’, embodied by the cosmic power symbolised by goddesses. I have referred to in my earlier column on Kamakhya Temple in Guwahati. That is a far more intense subject that needs deeper exploration. But certainly not as facile and misleading as the lifestyle tips touted by influencers.

Sandhya Mendonca, author, biographer, podcaster, and publisher at Raintree Media, offers a distinct female gaze of the world in this column.