When you give yourself the gifts of joy, calm, mental well-being, you naturally have more to offer others.
Michelle Pfeiffer | Eva Longoria
I set myself an easy pace in decorating the house for Christmas. One day and one thing at a time. The potted tree is well over seven feet tall now, and is gently rolled indoors. The wreath is hung on the doorway, and the star hoisted with jubilation. Then I turned my attention to the matter of presents for family, friends, neighbours. And what about a gift for myself? H’mm.
What about you? What’s the gift that you would truly like this festive season? For most people it could be fabulous gifts. Or a merry party. Or a great getaway. Gifting has become ostentatious. The season to be jolly has got to be more than money. Or impressing others.
How about the gift of joy? You don’t have to really go around like a smoked up Santa beatifically smiling or doing good deeds. It begins of course with you giving yourself the permission to be happy. Be a joyful person. And the people who you meet will find themselves feeling happier. Try it.
This Christmas, I gave myself something special permission to enjoy the lightness of feeling no pressure. I do not feel the need to party hop. I enjoyed doing up my home to my own rhythm. There was no checklist dictating when the wreath must go up or how elaborate the table setting should be. Some mornings, I have been sitting with my coffee, basking in the winter sun, admiring the orange trumpet in bloom.
The gift of calm is underrated. We’ve been conditioned to believe that the holidays must be a whirlwind of activity - shopping, baking, hosting, attending. But what if we chose differently? What if we chose our peace?
I’ve learned to say no without guilt. No to invitations that don’t energise. No to expectations that don’t align with mine. This isn’t selfishness. It’s a sanctuary that I have earned. Mental well-being during the festive season requires us to be honest about our capacity. Real joy is found in smaller moments: the scent of powdered cinnamon, the ringing voices of carollers in the neighbourhood, an unhurried conversation over cake and wine with a neighbour.
I’ve also given myself permission to keep things simple. Not every surface needs decoration. Not every meal needs to be a production. There’s profound beauty in restraint, in choosing quality over quantity - whether that’s in the gatherings we attend or the rituals we observe.
This year, my gift to myself is presence. Being fully where I am, rather than constantly thinking about the next task or obligation. When I’m decorating, I’m just decorating. When I’m with loved ones, I’m truly with them, not mentally reviewing my to-do list.
And here’s what I’ve discovered: when you give yourself the gifts of joy, calm, and mental well-being, you naturally have more to offer others. Your presence becomes more generous because you’re intentional.
The pink fairy lights trailing from the balcony twinkle in muted hue. They’re a reminder that beauty doesn’t have to be complicated. That joy can be gentle. That the most valuable gifts are often the ones we give ourselves.
This festive season, be kind to yourself. Move at your own pace. Choose peace over perfection. And give yourself permission to experience the holidays in whatever way genuinely nourishes your spirit.
So I invite you to consider: what would your holiday season look like if you prioritized your own wellbeing? What would you do less of? What would you do more? Perhaps this is the year you establish new traditions that actually serve you. Or like me go back to simpler times. Perhaps you light candles and read. Perhaps you savour the tastes of lighter food. Perhaps you spend more time in quiet communion. Give yourself the gift of you.
My take-it-easy perspective found validation in the Christmas film Oh What Fun. Featuring the very lovely Michelle Pfeiffer, the movie captures the extra load that women carry during the festive season. Their labour is invisible to everyone else enjoying the magic of Christmas. The film shows how exhausting it is to be the person holding it all together while everyone else simply shows up to enjoy or criticise, or as happens in the movie, forget all about mom while going on an outing she organised. (Shout out to my neighbours Mithun & Jean who planned a recuperative post-christmas staycation for his mom.) There’s a moment in the film where the glamorous Eva Longoria, who plays the host of a TV show, peels off her spanx in relief. So that’s me this season. Staying comfortable and being myself.
Wishing all our dear readers a joyful, wonderful 2025, lived at your own pace.
Sandhya Mendonca, author, biographer, podcaster, and publisher at Raintree Media, offers a distinct female gaze of the world in this column.
