Digital messaging platforms have largely replaced traditional in-person visits, transforming how families extend momentous event invitations.
It’s the wedding season again, and it brings to mind the way invitations have changed. Time was when a wedding was the moment one remembered old friends and neighbours and warmly invited them to be part of a momentous occasion for a family. While I enjoy being part of it, I am not advocating that every family throw a big fat Indian wedding. If they can afford it and want their friends to have a good time, why not? Increasingly, guest lists are curated on narrower lines and I understand the lists have to be drastically trimmed when the gatherings are smaller. But sometimes being excluded feels less about the size of the guest list and more about a shift in courtesy.
I wasn’t invited to two weddings where I reasonably expected to be included as I wasn’t a peripheral acquaintance in either case. One was of a young woman I’m genuinely fond of — what began as a professional relationship turned into real friendship – complete with shared holidays and dinners. When she got married abroad, I expected at least an invitation. All I got was information about the wedding, and I ended up at her farewell party instead, through a common friend.
A n o t h e r we d d i n g I wasn’t invited to was that of an old friend’s son — we’d lost touch a little over the years, though nothing had gone wrong between us. I was surprised not to be included; my own son, who knew the groom, was invited weeks before I even heard about it. Feeling sentimental, I called to wish her anyway. She replied, “I sent an invite to all the people who have been in touch more frequently and shared it on all the WhatsApp groups.” Then a WhatsApp invite arrived, with a “please come” message. I thanked her and said my son would represent our family.
It struck me that the medium had become the message. Personal visits to hand over invitations once gave an opportunity to catch up with each other’s lives. That was replaced by cards being posted or couriered. Soon the invitations arrived by email, and eventually by WhatsApp. Sometimes they are followed up with a personal message or a phone call. Granted, with travel time and busy schedules, it isn’t always possible to invite people in person. But there is a certain grace to the way technology is used in such matters.
There are still gracious people amongst us whose genuine warmth and courtesy will sweep you off your feet. Two recent weddings that I was invited to bore that grace out. One was the wedding of the daughter of an old neighbour; the mother called and sent an invite on WhatsApp with a warm personal message. The wedding was a warm occasion to meet families from the neighbourhood, some of whom had moved away, and to see the children who’d grown up together as adults now.
The second was the wedding of a daughter of a very important person from a prestigious and powerful political family. I have only a professional acquaintance with them; there are people who are far closer and more important to them. So I was pleasantly surprised to get a WhatsApp message from the father of the bride, informing me of the upcoming nuptials. The message came from his personal number and asked for my home address. A printed invitation arrived a couple of weeks later, by which time I had all but forgotten his message.
A week before the wedding, I saw a missed call from him. When I returned the call, he said he was expecting me at the wedding and requested that I not miss it. I was absolutely floored and managed to reply that I wouldn’t miss it.
On the day of the wedding, I expected long queues at the venue, Bangalore Palace. As expected, the entire cabinet of the government was invited, as were politicians across party lines. But everything was managed so well that all the guests were able to meet and greet the bridal couple without being sidelined by the prominent ones. What struck me was that the attention to detail was so inconspicuous it made the whole thing seem effortless, from entry to lunch.
The graciousness didn’t end there; a week after the wedding, there was another WhatsApp message from the bride’s father. He said that more than the celebrations, he found himself thinking about the extraordinary people who had come together to bless their families and share their happiness. “We are deeply humbled and grateful. Your presence made me realise the richness of a life lived in relationships.”
On such occasions, an invitation is more than just the wedding — it’s a reminder of the value of a relationship, and perhaps an invitation back into someone’s life.
*Sandhya Mendonca, author, biographer, and publisher at Raintree Media, offers a distinct female gaze of the world in this column.
