Every man has to be a Dangal Dad

Who wants to sit through a snooze-fest of speeches when all you’re dying to do is grab your diploma, strike a pose for that Insta-worthy pic, and hit the party with your friends? Nobody!
I knew it was going to be a challenge to hold the attention of students when The Yenepoya Institute of Arts, Science, Commerce and Management invited me to speak on graduation day. More daunting was that I was going to be the last speaker. It would be a tough act to follow the dashing Police Commissioner and a perky young start-up founder.
There are only a few points to make at such events, and I listened keenly to the earlier speakers to be sure I didn’t repeat what they said. Surprisingly, each of us had something different to say. It occurred to me then that the college had done a remarkable job of showcasing diversity of gender, age and profession while choosing the guest speakers. Simply letting us speak what we felt appropriate was far more effective than any number of lectures to show the various career and life choices that are available.
Each speaker had a different perspective, and I closed by emphasising gender equality. The fact that the faculty had so many women wasn’t surprising, given the fact that the ratio of women is quite high in the teaching profession (also in nursing and the media). It was a positive sign to see so many female students, and again it wasn’t surprising that there were so many of them topping their classes.
Will they keep forging ahead or will the momentum slow down? I have been thinking about this the last few days after returning from Mangalore. Marriage is the fate that awaits most girls after college, and many opt for postgraduate courses to put it off. I have nothing against marriage, having had a fairly good one myself. But for many young women, marriage is not a joyous coupledom but a loss of their agency in life.
A working wife is preferred for the income she brings into the family kitty, but can her career take precedence over the husband’s or the needs of their families? Be it in a bank, a lab, an IT company or a boardroom, the stories are similar. The dismaying fact is that most young women want to be independent but often find themselves stuck in a rut in their careers and lives.
Women who have reached the top of their professions are considered rarities simply because there are so few of them even after years of trying to break the glass ceiling. India has ranked 127 out of 146 countries in the World Economic Forum’s annual Gender Gap Report, 2023. A marginal step up by eight points over the previous year but still abysmal.
This was a subject that came up when Vinita Bali, a global business leader appeared on my podcast. Vinita is known for her spectacular skill in building brands for companies such as Coca-Cola Company and Cadbury Schweppes, and successfully steering Britannia in India. The Gender Gap Report had made Vinita despondent, and she said ruefully, “It’ll take 161 years to achieve gender equity! Is this a society we want to live in? That is the question people have to ask themselves.”
Can it change? I asked her, and her perspective was interesting. Change has to be driven and propagated to a large extent by men. Decision makers mostly happen to be men right now and they have to walk the talk. It’s not enough to speak about diversity and inclusion but show through your actions what you’re just mouthing. When that changes, things will change.
Organisations should create an environment that would look at women not based on their gender and go by their competency, track record, leadership, and adaptive skills of people. If organisations go by those parameters rather than gender, cliched arguments like ‘will women be able to work? will they go off to have babies?’ won’t hold up.
My favourite part of the podcast is where Vinita said, “What we need are more Dangal Dads. If more dads make sure that their daughters get the same opportunities that they would give to their sons, things would be very different.”
This is the point I made at the college – that it was not just up to the female students to seek equal opportunities in their lives. It’s up to every man to ensure that the women in their lives, be it at home or work, have access to the same opportunities. A healthy society gives equal respect and opportunities to all genders.
Sandhya Mendonca is an author and host of ‘Spotlight with Sandhya’ podcast. Vinita Bali talks about building a nourishing business in the latest episode.