Over the last year or so, I found nirvana. Or something close to it. And I didn’t have to meditate under a Bodhi tree, stand one-legged or sit in an ice cave.
Cautious negotiations seemed to have happened in my psyche. My brain agreed to stop pressing the sad button when my fingers scroll through photos of my younger self. It refrained from pressing alarm buttons when hemlines got longer and fittings got looser. I slowly got to be on speaking terms with the extra padding on my middle who, like an unwanted guest, has come for an extended stay.
Accepting the changes that are happening to our body is a journey of self-discovery. As one delves deeper, it becomes an excavation of complex layers. You see, it’s not easy to find our identity. There is an intricately connected web of societal conditioning and external expectations that form the fabric of self-perception.
It means redefining personal standards of beauty and challenging homogenised ideals. And a challenge it certainly is for most of us. At a recent art show, I bumped into a beauty queen, a former Miss India. She was a little miffed that the media had left after the inauguration. The artist pacified her that photos would be on social media which has completely replaced Page 3.
So we posed until she realised that a bunch of young people in the foyer weren’t paying attention to her. The pretty pout turned into a frown and she asked, ‘What’s going on?’. I told her that there was a fashion show in the main auditorium. It threw her that she was completely unknown in the space she once ruled.
That’s life. It keeps moving, and new players come on to take the limelight even before you are ready to make way. One has to accept a new stage of life and focus on a new facet of your personality.
There’s no need to rue the extra kilos or the age lines. There’s no need to cling to an arbitrary definition of a perfect body or age. Our bodies don’t exist for external validation; they are unique and we should own them proudly. This needs some internal negotiation – the acknowledgment that our bodies, with their quirks and oddities, are not defective.
The gorgeous actor Smita Patil had made the raw, natural, no make-up look aspirational. It’s a far cry from the perfect look everyone craves for with beauty filters for every mood and mode.
Flaunting what we have is not a statement you make to others. It’s our claim to freedom, a gift only we can give ourselves. Insecurities will diminish our sense of self-worth.
Self-love is a nuanced terrain and spans the physical and emotional landscapes. We have to resist the urge to skim the surface and gloss over the dark depths. Shine some light, and hold up what emerges. Give a nod to your authentic self. When you have a rich tapestry of experiences, why not flaunt it?
Thinking about this, it occurred to me that self-celebration isn’t a solo gig. We need to have a wider conversation. So how about it? Are we up for a deeper dialogue? Keep it real, keep it diverse? If so, hit me up!
Sandhya Mendonca is an author and host of ‘Spotlight with Sandhya’ podcast.