It’s all very confusing when I meet people now as I can’t tell their age. The first time it happened I was catching up with a college mate. She’s co-founded a start-up and was venting about investors who keep her on her toes. An acquaintance brought over a woman who also has a start-up (to be a somebody in Bangalore, you simply must have a start-up, even if it ups and folds soon). And she went, “Oh, how nice to meet you. Our generation has so much to learn from you.” At first, I was perplexed as she had a full head of silver hair but it turned out that she was only in her late thirties. Yeah girl, way to kill our evening.
Now I meet younger grey-haired women everywhere I go. I meet them in the gym, in the mall, at clubs, in the pool. Their kids are still in school! Then there are the women in their forties who awe me – they bicycle, swim, run and pose on podiums with their sleek athletic bodies and sleeker grey hair. They don’t just flaunt it, they own it! While I struggle with mixed emotions – should I be following suit or do I just do me, along comes a glorious blast from the past.
Sweeping us all off our feet, Zeenat Aman shows us how it should be done. With each Insta post, she proclaims at seventy what oomph and sizzle really are. Her words penned with warm intelligence and empathy strike a chord with her followers; her photos with stylish salt and pepper coiffure are apparently inspiring them to ditch the hair colour too.
So, are women in their fifties less comfortable accepting grey locks? Not really. My youngest sister decided to ‘stop dyeing and start living’ and she rocks her silvery crop with insouciance. Strangers mistake her for being the eldest sibling and as being far older than she is. She doesn’t bother to correct them as she gets priority in queues! Bijayini Satpathy, the acclaimed Odissi dancer, made a bold choice to “fully embrace the grey” during the lull in performances caused by COVID.
On the other hand, an architect friend who has long, silken tresses feels that grey hair would put off her clients. Her husband, who’s also her business partner, concurs. But I have also met husbands who advocate the grey look for their spouses. I once got caught up in what seemed to be a long-running argument between a couple. The man has had silver hair for some years now and was urging the wife, a lawyer, to stop colouring her hair dark. She was having none of it though and asked me to weigh in. I left before I got embroiled in a marital dispute – it always ends in tears.
Ageing skin (for those who haven’t gone in for facelifts or Botox) and the jet-black hair of our youth are not a good match. Which is why I count my colourist as a friend; she understands my vulnerabilities and visiting her is a surefire morale booster. Someday, she will help me transition to silver. When it comes to the correct choice for you – black, white, brown, a shade in between or multicoloured, you’ll know it when your mirror says to you, “yehi hai right choice, baby!”
PS: Men have long been greying well. I harbour sensual thoughts for George Clooney-type males. I find the mature Milind Soman hotter than his younger avatar. A corporate dude boasted to me that women barely gave him a second look but he became a chick magnet ever since his hair turned silver. Research by both academics and dating sites states that most women are attracted to men with the salt-and-pepper look. The ‘daddy’ image apparently makes women feel safe and cared for. But we do know, don’t we, that appearances can be deceptive?
Sandhya Mendonca is an author and host of ‘Spotlight with Sandhya’ podcast.