‘We are just women. Supposed to bring wealth (Lakshmi) into the home, but with no rights to our own wealth, so to speak. Somehow, always insecure,’ bursts out N.
Woman… Goddess…
For India, this is a big dichotomy—something we conceptually struggle with, definitely something a non-Indian can hardly perceive. All, justifiably so.
U.N.B. are a Trinity, of women, in a semi-rural area in the north-Indian Himalaya. Rather empowered and leading a successful community project for school-going children. All smiling beauties, who like to be well—and appropriately—dressed for different occasions. Making different choices in terms of outfit and hairstyle, depending on where they will be seen for what.
Recently, they were regaling about a recent cinema outing, with much glee, giggles and fun talk. The highlight was sunglasses. One of them had just broken her pair. So, much back-and-forth panic calls about whether it has been replaced. The point being, the photographs that will be taken later on the outing. With sunglasses on.
This same Trinity is also deeply rooted in their circumstances. Still staying in the metaphorical “outhouse” during the menstrual cycle. Or undergoing intense shamanistic rituals based on “blind faith” and “evil spirits”—as commanded by the family.
As they spoke about Woman and Goddess, my mind was abuzz with Joycean trails from their words.
Indian mythology clearly highlights two major concepts of the feminine in the godly world. Gods are essentially considered Bigender, as opposed to Bisexual. Maybe time to figure the “+” at the end of latest acronym, LGBTQIA that covers unstated sexual orientation (as of now): Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersexual, Asexual.
Bigender would be a rather progressive term for a philosophical concept that combines Male (Purush) and Female (Prakriti) in beings…including Gods. Ha! Big smiley there.
Apart from which, is the concept of a ruling godly Triumvirate, represented by icons in both male and female forms. Tridevi (Three Goddesses) being Saraswati (Knowledge), Lakshmi (Wealth) and Parvati—linked to a large vocabulary: power, energy, nourishment, harmony, love, beauty, devotion, and motherhood. Definitions very close to female identity perceptions, by men and women themselves, in worldwide surveys across 55 countries.
Take this “superior” concept of the Female with the ground reality fact check. In 2021, the reported dowry death cases in India amounted to nearly 6.8 thousand. The total number of rape cases reported, over 31 thousand. In a 2019 survey, India ranked highest in the list of dangerous countries for women, with over 400 thousand reported crimes against women in that year alone.
Having said that, in rape statistics per hundred thousand, India ranks at 94, while Sweden is at 4, Norway, France, USA at 11, 12, 13, respectively. Dichotomy? You bet. In this eclectic background, come the straight-forward and simple thoughts of the U.N.B. Trinity.
U has wisened up by now. “Looks like you are onto another article,” she says with much mirth. They couldn’t care less about confidentiality. She continues, “The situation of women is what it is. It will never really change.” “You truly believe that?” I ask.
“Well, to say the truth, things are different for us than for my mother or mother-in-law. We do have more freedom, so to speak. Life is not so hard for us. Even so, at the root, it is all the same.”
N butts in. “Basically, we have to go along with our husbands and families. We can’t really do exactly what we want to do.” “Nothing at all?” I ask.
She clarifies. “See, it is about being smart about the whole thing. By and large, you flow with the tide. If there is something one really wants another way, you just find a way of doing it…quietly.”
B mumbles and it sounds like she has a different view. She is the youngest in the Trinity. “I find if I talk to my husband long enough, explain things to him you know—like why I want to do something, why it is important for me—he understands. It may take a while but mostly, he comes around. So, I can proceed after we agree it is okay.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” says U. “It’s been years, my husband and I have never agreed on buying gold, for instance. It is always an argument. I feel, if I buy gold or some land elsewhere, it will come in useful for the children later, at some point. He thinks, it is all pointless expenditure.
“So, while I can’t do anything about land without him, I buy my gold whenever I can from my savings. He knows nothing about it. It’s my business, you know.” “I do the same,” says N. “I love my jewellery and nothing can stop me from buying it.”
Is it all about only jewellery? “No, no, no,” they all respond in unison.
“You said two words, Woman and Goddess. Well, the ‘Devi’ has her place. All of us, including men, venerate her. We can’t compete with the Devi in our real world. Here, we are just women. Supposed to bring wealth (Lakshmi) into the home…but with no rights to our own wealth, so to speak…Somehow, always insecure,” bursts out N.
“They are two different things…Our life as Woman is pre-destined and fixed. For me, it is all over. I only think about my daughter and hope things will be different for her. Even if she is not treated like a Goddess,” says U.
U is in her early 30s, highly intelligent, with no aspirations for herself any more. Only for her daughter.
Neelima Mathur is an India-based Executive Producer, Researcher, Writer, Mentor and Trainer for documentary and NGO films. She is also Festival Director of the Lakeside Doc Festival.