For solo older women who’ll not be ignored

I am in the land of Susegad and filled with gratitude for the opportunities that enabled me to return here, albeit for a few days. I’m mindful of acknowledging the people who bring me here, provide me a place to stay, and invite me for meals. Such gifts are beyond material; they are an acknowledgement of my worth to them as a human.
 The time and attention that one gets from people become increasingly valuable as one grows older. More so for a woman who seems to become nearly invisible to people as she ages. I fell into a conversation about this topic with my writer friend, Arshia, who said older women are not an interesting demographic for salespeople. She added that the only attention we would get would be from a young man hitting on us. That’s a topic for another time.
 Women like me of a certain age are resisting being typecast. We are not the cuddly, fluffy grandma but could be a ‘glam-ma’. We are not cougars on the prowl. We are not young, certainly (and don’t want to relive all the youthful angst and embarrassments!). But we are not “old”. We are not the “bhajan” group joining kind. Nor are we on the club-house circuit. Kitty parties make us cringe. But we want to have fun too.
 So, one makes an attempt and succumbs to being added to travel groups, lunch groups, and wine groups. We Zumba, stretch, and spin cycle. It’s not easy, though, to find people on the same wavelength, and we are put off by their political or personal habits, general perviness, or utter lack of charm (sample this barf-inducer: “You must have been quite a number when you were younger”). The ones who are married or in a long-term relationship might be better off, as at least there’s comfort in being with someone we know as well as we can know another human and vice versa. The kind of comfort you get from wearing a washed-out but super-soft nightie
 But what about women who are single after losing partners to death or divorce? We have put in the time and lived through the ebbs and flows of fortunes and emotions. Only to find that there’s no happily ever after. Some buckle under the weight of loneliness and find new partners to recreate their lives. Some are fortunate and happy, and others are less fortunate and unhappier than ever.
 Increasingly, though, women are making a conscious choice to live alone. We have learned that it’s very different from being “lonely”. Being lonely in a crowd or in a relationship has been alluded to so often that it doesn’t bear repetition. Being alone is a celebration of the most important relationship you’ll ever have. The one with yourself.  If you see a woman who’s solo, don’t ignore her. Or worse yet, pity her. Be nice and friendly. If you are lucky, you’ll meet someone interesting who’s amassed experiences that could be the script for binge-worthy serials. And if you are a business selling a phone, a car, or, okay, a fancy coffeemaker, you will more than likely land a customer. You see, women like me of a certain age are savvy, make independent choices, and use their hearts and minds. And yes, we are “influencers” with all the very many people we have come to know. You wow us; you win us over.
PS: Why am I not talking about single older men? Seriously, do you need to ask? They are always in demand at dinner parties, events, and bars and hold a magnetic attraction for store clerks and salespeople.
 
Sandhya Mendonca is an author and host of the “Spotlight with Sandhya” podcast.