Has everybody forgiven, forgotten, and got on with life? The naming and shaming during the #MeToo movement in 2017 -2018 put the spotlight on several powerful and famous men. While many were outed by the media and on social media, few faced prosecution. A handful of them expressed remorse. Most shrugged off the public outcry as we would the splashback from a passing car on a rainy day.
This piece is less about the aggressors and their victims/survivors. It is more about the enablers, active or passive. Granted that many people like us were outraged and outspoken when the storm broke. We battled with condescending men who scoffed at the idea of rampant sexual harassment in society and equally condescending women who claimed never to have ever been at the receiving end of any kind of harassment in their lives. If it didn’t happen to them, it couldn’t happen to anybody! The movement did lead to some positive changes – victims have felt empowered to speak up, offices have tightened the rules and the legal framework has become proactive. The big picture, however, is disheartening.
Over coffee one recent afternoon, I found that the BroHood is alive and thriving. The guy I met was quite matter of fact that sexual harassment charges don’t really matter. A case in point was the rising IT star who was twice hauled up in court. Both times, he lost his job. He was undoubtedly brilliant at his job and had become extremely wealthy. He parlayed both to become a VC and sits on the boards of several companies. There’s a long line of people currying favour with him including the guy I was sipping coffee with. While not going so far as to condone the sexual/moral transgressions, he did not see why it should impact the business side of their lives. While this case preceded the #MeToo movement, it serves to show that money power scores over social injustice.
I discovered, to my chagrin, that I am apparently equally capable of glossing over the ugly truth. A rather well-known person of my acquaintance was among those named in the #MeToo movement. When I visited his city a few months later, he invited a friend and me for dinner. I remember thinking that he had lost all his bluster and looked broken. He asked if I believed the allegations and if I thought he was the type of man who would force himself upon a woman. I replied that he was rather forceful in his attention to women.
Young or timid women could very well find it difficult to fend off his advances. He seemed remorseful and was silent, and I left thinking he had learnt a lesson.
Five years later I found that this leopard had not changed his spots. I unthinkingly offered to host him and was taken aback by his repeated request to find a young person who could accompany him for a few days and jot down his impressions of the city. I suddenly remembered that some of those who accused him had been hired for similar jobs. I made some excuses about summer vacations and people being away. He eyed me balefully, yet regrettably, I remained polite instead of calling him out. I did ask him what happened to the #MeToo allegations to which he replied that they had been instigated by people jealous of his success.
Long after his visit, I was beset by discomfort; it simmered until I realised it stemmed from my own actions or lack thereof. When I first met this person a dozen years ago, it was obvious that he was a randy goat. I firmly made it clear that I was not interested in his advances; however, I blithely continued our acquaintance without heeding that a predator would swoop down on easier prey. Being in a different field of work I have nothing to gain or lose by knowing him, but those in the same line of work might have been afraid to refuse his advances or speak up against him.
It’s been galling to realise that hosting him and attending his events would give the impression that I accept and condone his predatory behaviour. Sexual harassment remains a pervasive issue and true change requires not only outing the perpetrators but also addressing the behaviours that enable such conduct. It is crucial to remain vigilant and hold both aggressors and enablers accountable to foster a safer and more respectful environment for everyone. This is my mea culpa.
Sandhya Mendonca is an author and host of ‘Spotlight with Sandhya’ podcast.