When marriage hurts

Kiran seeks by God’s grace and truth to find joy amid suffering even when her marriage hurts. She admits, “I am not perfect,” and reminds her husband, John, “It takes two hands to clap.” Once speaking to a group of pastors, I asked, “How is your love life?” One pastor responded, “My love life is very biblical; just as apostle Paul said, “Live like bachelors.” Please don’t laugh; consider the wife’s plight, who thought she was marrying an angel; the relationship brought feelings of emotional hurt and pain. Spouses must discover what’s behind the hurt and how it impacts their life.
Marriage partners might hurt one another without intentionally aiming to cause emotional pain. Your lack of interest and thoughtlessness, accompanied by forgetfulness, silence and self-centred behaviour. Notes the dates which are important to your spouse and celebrate them. Hurtful teasing betrays insensitivity; ‘you are very fat, and the neighbour’s wife is slim and trim.’ Some have a habit of praying at night time. When the wife is tired after working the whole day

, she goes to bed, hoping her husband will also retire to bed. In quiet desperation, a wife prayed, “God, please leave my husband so that he will come to bed, and we will pray together and sleep.” When your spouse says something in anger, remember anger is also a form of communication. You may need a course correction. Intentional hurts are when you hurt your spouse purposely, you know you are doing it, and you continue to do it. Intentional hurt includes conflict, infidelity and lack of commitment; it will damage your marriage. You need help to choose the path of grace and truth. Talk about your hurts with your partner. If you don’t, you will drift apart. God sent John the Baptist to prepare the way of the Lord, beginning by restoring family life (Luke 1:17). Refrain from giving ‘Judah-type kisses ‘who betrayed Jesus with a kiss.
A loving kiss communicates acceptance, love and respect and can transform your marriage!