Having just celebrated a birthday, I spent the morning after the party opening presents. I am not one of those whose invitations say ‘No presents please.’ Not only will I end up getting far more flowers than can fit in my house, I take childish pleasure in receiving gifts. In my defence, I also like giving gifts.
Opening presents comes with its fair share of delight and surprise. One can easily spot when someone has invested time and effort in finding a gift suited for them. If you know a person really well, picking a gift is easier as you know their personality and their tastes. Or you know what they aspire to have and can afford to give it to them.
At times though we have all been stuck thinking what to give a person who has everything. You just have to apply your brain and you can surely find something unique. It’s not the cost of the gift that matters; it’s the thought that goes into it. One such time, I figured out the night sky in the city at the time of the person’s birth and gave them a framed copy of it. It didn’t cost much but I put in the effort to show the person how special they are to me and they appreciated it.
So what do you give a person that you like but do not know very well? There’s a range of other products like scarfs and perfumes that would pass muster. Jewelry? Yes, but requires a little more thought as it has to be chosen based on the personality of the person. For example, tiny trinkets are practically invisible on a person like me. There are some who ethnic styles, but others who don’t.
Home decor? We are getting into trickier territory here. Perhaps you have visited the person’s house earlier. Have you observed their choice of interiors? Will the gift you plan to give fit in well or will it look completely out of sync, no matter how expensive your choice of artifact is? So if you got them that table lamp or candle stand, they might not use it. Worse yet, they might think that you recycled this gift.
All this is too much trouble and you reach for a drink to juice up the old gray cells. And then you think, heck why don’t I just take a bottle of alcohol or a box of chocolates? Well, make sure they are duty-free, unless of course the wine is from your own vineyard.
Talking about recycling gifts, I did find the easiest and most transparent way to do so. This was at a Christmas party hosted by an American who lives in my neighbourhood. Each guest had to bring a recycled present wrapped in red gift paper and leave it below the Christmas tree without a message or a card that could identify the donor. Guests drew lots and the person whose number was called could go to the pile of gifts and pick a gift. They could take till the count of 10 to pick one and had to open it immediately. It was amusing to see the range of expressions depending on what they found inside the gift box.
To add to the fun, the next person could either choose a gift from the pile or they could instead choose any of the gifts that were already opened. So even if you got something lovely, you wouldn’t be able to relax. Somebody else could just take it away from you. The moaning and the groaning when that happened was hilarious.
I found a pattern too – men usually went for what looked like a bottle. And if it turned out to be a candlestand or a vase, they were bitterly disappointed. One year, one of the guys spent an entire evening trying to cadge the bottles of wine that were in the gift I picked. He kept trying to talk me into taking scented candles that ended up as his gift. Another guy was miffed when he ended up with a cup and saucer, and wanted a mug instead.
Women on the other hand were content with what they got. Though they envied those who got something better, they rarely tried to barter it for something else. What does it say about us? Nothing too drastic – we know not to sweat the small stuff. And really another Diwali or Christmas will come around and some people just might end up getting the re-recycled gifts. In fact it might boomerang and just go right back to the sender.
PS: Now I understand why some people conscientiously note down who gave them what. I used to think it’s to make sure they give something of equal value back but perhaps it’s to avoid giving them their own gift back. Or may be to do exactly that!
Sandhya Mendonca, author, biographer, and publisher, casts a female gaze at the world in this column.