Several months ago, there was a well-publicized book launch. One of the two co-authors is a very well-known and admired person and I lined up to have my copy of the book signed by them. As I was leaving, I saw the co-author in the hall, and out of respect for the work, I also asked for their signature. The response was lackadaisical – they signed and handed it back without a smile or eye contact, with their face turned away. It felt like I had been doused with a bucket of cold water. I mentally kicked myself for trying to be nice and left feeling let down. Having signed my fair share of books at my book launches, I know fatigue sets in at some point, but I have seen best-selling authors show far more grace than this first-timer.
This unpleasant memory popped up while I was sifting through books to read and I realised why have never been enthused to read that particular book. I have been running a low-grade fever for a few days, and it’s left me spent in energy and spirits. There was a bitter taste in my mouth and I wanted to be rid of it. Where to find grace I asked myself and a swell of good deeds surfaced effortlessly in my mind.
I recalled a more recent launch of a book by one of my writing clients, a very important person with an illustrious legal career. It was a long morning with many speeches. After jubilant team photos and lunch, I went home for a well-earned siesta. A few hours later, the client called, asking for forgiveness for not spending as much time with me as they would have liked. I was stunned by the humility of this 84-year-old and deeply moved by his sincerity. I will never forget the goodwill and warmth those words created in me.
Several years ago, I was passing through Mysore from Coonoor and was invited for breakfast at a friend’s place. I had planned to take a train back to Bangalore. My friend often drives to Bangalore for work, and his wife had planned to accompany him and his assistant that day. By the time we finished breakfast, she had quietly instructed the driver to load my bags in their car. She opted to give up her spot in the car for me, feeling I would be more comfortable going by car than by train. When I realised what she was doing, I tried to get her to change her mind. She graciously said she had things to attend to in Mysore and saw me off with goodies from her kitchen.
Some years ago, I was at a panel discussion in a media house. While leaving the building, I tripped on the last step, which turned out to be two pieces of stone that had not been properly joined. I fell, wrenching my foot. I lay alone on the footpath as the person who had escorted me out had gone back inside. Some passers-by were figuring out what to do when two young men on a bike came racing towards me. I feared they would snatch my handbag and flee. Instead, they stopped, asked what happened, and when I told them, they fetched two bottles of cold drinks to press against my ankle to stop the swelling. Meanwhile, another panellist whom I had just met at the event saw me and offered to take me home. Since I had driven there, he drove me in my car to my home. He helped me to the living room and expertly applied a crepe bandage before leaving.
Another occasion, another country. It was my first visit to South Africa. I planned some sightseeing with my son before business meetings. Concerned about crime, I took a basic mobile phone. My business partner in Cape Town was aghast and insisted on giving us his iPad with a prepaid SIM for our road trips. We often pride ourselves on being warm hosts, but that gesture by my South African partner was above and beyond.
I began writing this column on a negative note, no doubt sparked by a lingering fever and the side effects of the medicines.. Yes, the world can often seem indifferent, and we are hurt by the deliberate acts of rudeness by total strangers, our friends and our own families. These are the times when we should hold on to the many unexpected kindnesses of strangers and thoughtful gestures of friends and colleagues. Grace is truly found in the simplest of actions and the most unexpected of places.
PS: I am not a saint however and I think I will have to summon all my willpower to behave graciously if I encounter the rude author I began writing about.
Sandhya Mendonca is an author and host of ‘Spotlight with Sandhya’ podcast.